When I was younger, I always saw myself as someone with a lot of potential, and I believed in my ability to live a fruitful life that serves myself, my family, and my community. However, whenever I would go out and try to realize my potential by pursuing different personal goals, I’d never be able to achieve the level of success I felt capable of. It often felt like something was missing — some internal block that kept me from realizing my potential. Whether it was a lack of self-discipline or a mindset I just couldn’t seem to adopt, I struggled with the nagging sense that I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be.
After repeated failures in my early adulthood, I began to develop limiting beliefs — thoughts that lowered my perception of my potential and placed a limit on what I thought I could achieve in life. The belief that I could become an idealized version of myself felt near impossible.
Challenging my limiting beliefs
A few months ago, something shifted. I found myself feeling unhappy with my recent weight gain and was concerned with the negative impact it would have on my health. I love food, though, and I didn’t want to cut more calories than I had to. However, I was not too fond of the idea of going to the gym. So, I decided to try something different — I started playing basketball. I loved playing basketball, but I hadn’t touched a basketball in six years (unless you count when I bought one a year ago and placed it in my closet, where it sat, uninflated, for a year). Nevertheless, I decided to give it a try.
At first, it felt strange and uncomfortable. I doubted that I could stick with it or make any real progress. However, I adopted a mantra where I told myself that success in the first few weeks will be determined by attendance and participation. If I show up and I play, it’s a win. Over the course of a few months, I began to notice changes. My stamina increased, my weight started to drop, and I even surprised myself by learning skills I thought were near impossible to learn in adulthood, like dribbling between my legs.
In doing so, I shattered multiple limiting beliefs:
- I can’t build an exercise routine (I’m still playing basketball and even exploring strength training)
- I can’t dribble between my legs (I’m still a beginner, but at least I can do it)
- I can’t trim the fat off my waist (I’ve lost around 3 inches in a few months)
The downstream effects of shattering my limiting beliefs
Think about how it feels when you are so confident you can’t do something and prove yourself wrong. Once I broke through, it had a domino effect. I began to challenge other limiting beliefs, and my confidence grew with each one I shattered. Now, I wake up at 5 am every day, meditate daily, exercise regularly, and write blog posts on a weekly basis. I’m constantly asking myself, what else can I do? I’m regaining the confidence I had when I was younger, but I also have years of failure and experience to help guide me along the way.
Final words…
How to build self-confidence
Over the past few months, I’ve learned that the key to building true self-confidence is to wage a war against your limiting beliefs. We all have confidence, but that confidence is often rooted in a belief that we cannot do something. When you prove to yourself that you can do something that you once thought you could not do, it has a ripple effect. Each win helps you build momentum for the next one.
- Start with something small.
- Be patient. You have a limiting belief for a reason (i.e., what you’re trying to achieve is hard). When you first start and face adversity or don’t see immediate results, your mind will tell you, “See, I told you that you can’t do this.” Just remember, though, at the beginning, success is determined by attendance and participation
- Give yourself time. Give yourself 2-3 months or 15-20 hours of effort over the course of a couple of weeks. You will make noticeable gains and see progress over this amount of time.
- Use your confidence to strengthen your confidence. After you’ve seen one limiting belief loosen its grip on you, use that momentum to conquer other limiting beliefs.
After you do this for a while, even just 2-3 months as it has been for myself, you develop a new belief — I am not limited by my beliefs. When you inevitably face setbacks or adversity, this belief gives you a different kind of perseverance that makes you want to get back up because you realize that you’ve worked hard to build this belief (that your beliefs do not limit you), and you want to preserve it for as long as you can.
