When waking up in the morning, we hold an expectation for how the day will transpire (e.g., “I’ll drop the kids off to school, go to work, come back, have dinner with the wife and kids, call my dad,” etc.). Most of the time, our calculations are correct, but sometimes, something unexpected happens. It’s usually something small like getting a cold or your refrigerator stops working, but on rare occasions, it is something far more severe, such as a loved one expectedly ending up in the hospital or passing away. When something significant like that happens, it serves as a harsh reminder of how unpredictable life is and how little control we have. Time does heal these wounds as we gradually get back to “normal,” but we still carry with us the damage from the emotional trauma that we’ve endured. We’re told to have a five or a 10-year plan for life, but how do you do that when you don’t know what could happen? No one is exempt from these unexpected moments, but we can’t live our lives goalless and in fear.
How do you move forward?
Acceptance. We need to accept that this is a complex reality and a law of the universe. We’re a small fish in the ocean that can get swept up by a wave at any moment. However, we cannot let a fear of the unknown become a form of paralysis that inhibits us from living our lives. A fish still has to try to find food and avoid predators. It might get swept up by the ocean and face a hungry shark or find a nice meal and a safe place to rest.
Try, and you might fail. Don’t try, and you’ll definitely fail.
Gratitude. It’s important to be grateful and savor each boring and monotonous day. It’s easy to feel restless and trapped when living our lives and dealing with the myriad of responsibilities and expectations placed upon us. However, a dull day is a good day. Each day
Perspective. When dealing with small nuisances or when narrowly avoiding a disaster, it can be easy to overreact and hard to shake off the fear that comes with it. For example, last week, my grandmother fell in the bathtub, and while she managed to avoid a serious injury, I couldn’t help but get caught up in wondering what would have happened if she hit her head while falling. For a while, I was disturbed by this thought. By default, I jumped into solution-seeking mode and insisted my grandma get an anti-slip mat for the tub. I was trying to control the situation by exploring solutions to prevent this from happening again.
However, maybe she was just meant to have something like this happen to her, and not having an anti-slip mat was just an excuse. She could have fallen down the stairs or slipped outside on a snowy day while attending a doctor’s appointment. What would I have done then? If something’s meant to happen, it’s going to happen. When I recognized this, I decided to shift my focus. Instead of reflecting on what could have happened, I cultivated a mindset of gratitude and thanked God that she was fine.
Taming your fear. Fear is rooted in either a dependency or an attachment, and it rears its ugly head when something unexpected happens. For example, a child is emotionally and physically dependent on their parent. If something happens to the child (e.g., they get lost in a big store), it results in an overwhelming sense of fear. What will happen to me? How will I get home? What if I never find my mom? Once they find their mother, they will latch onto her and never want to let go. They’ll hug her, squeeze her hand tightly, and the next time they call her, if she doesn’t respond right away, they’ll relive that emotional trauma from when they were lost in the store.
From an evolutionary standpoint, it is healthy and beneficial for a child to always know where their parent is. However, we carry this type of mindset into adulthood, where it becomes counterproductive. Overbearing parents and clingy spouses are born from dependencies and attachments. For this, we need to practice a healthy detachment. This doesn’t mean you stop loving your family, but you have to be okay with letting go. You can’t bubble wrap all your loved ones and keep them in your sight 24/7.
Final words…
At the end of the day, we have to accept and get comfortable with the idea that life doesn’t go the way we plan it. In the blink of an eye, your life can change for the worse (or the better). While scary, recognizing that you have little control over your life can also be freeing. You’re not Superman, and you do not have to take on the responsibility of saving the universe. You’re just a small fish in a vast ocean trying to do its job.
