As a society, we’ve built up a particular image of what success looks like, often glorifying it rather than sharing its true nature. Content creators know that what sells is sharing the “before” and “after” images of success. It is the bait that hooks you. The before is relatable, and it motivates you to consume more content to learn how to enact change in your own life. The problem is that these stories are told in hindsight, from the perspective of when success has already been achieved. They’re not told from the perspective of someone riddled with self-doubt and doesn’t know if they’ll reach that “after” image, with their track record suggesting that they will not. As a result, we get fed a story where success looks smooth and linear, with the constant failures, pain, and suffering left out.
How this distorted image of success sets us up for failure
When we see a polished version of someone’s success story, we assume that if we follow the same steps as this individual, the path to success will be easier than it looks. We develop these unrealistic expectations. As a result, when we go down this path toward success and are hit with adversity, we begin to doubt ourselves.
It’s harder than it looked like in that story, so I must be doing something wrong.
Once people hit this point, they will usually do one of three things:
- Give up
- Push further, hit adversity again, and then give up
- Consume more content, try something different, hit adversity, and give up.
The problem is that nobody tells you that failure and struggle are not signs of inadequacy but are part of the process.
What success actually looks like
Let’s take an example of early risers. I’ve always been told that successful people get up early in the morning and are highly productive. They’ve already achieved the day’s most important tasks before others have even woken up.
The morning routine of a high-achiever
I get up promptly at 5 in the morning before the sun rises. I grab my green tea and spend the first hour of my morning on my patio, soaking up the fresh air and writing down five things I am grateful for and the three most important things I want to accomplish today. The first hour of my morning is sacred and dedicated to setting my intentions for the day, so I avoid using any technology. Afterward, with a clear and relaxed mind, I meditate for at least thirty minutes. This practice grounds me and ensures I start each day with clarity and purpose. Afterward, I head to the gym for a balanced blend of cardio and strength training. Once I come back, I have a refreshing and filling matcha latte with almond milk and an organic plant-based protein powder. After I’m done taking a shower, I dive into the list that I made earlier and finish it before noon.
Although it’s a little much for me, I’d be thrilled if my morning was like this.
Because this idea of a ‘perfect morning routine’ has been ingrained in me for years, I also set out to wake up before sunrise.
The morning routine of someone trying to become a high-achiever
The night before, I set up three alarms, one for 5am, one for 5:07am, and one for 5:10am. I almost always snooze the first one but eventually force myself up by 5:10am. I first grab my coffee with half and half and spend the first hour of my morning on my bed, drinking my coffee while trying to stay awake and waiting for the sleep inertia to wear off. I’ll scroll my phone, often watching random YouTube videos. Once the coffee has kicked in and I’m confident I won’t fall back asleep, I’ll start to meditate. The first 15 minutes of meditation aren’t too bad, but for the last 15, I start to get pretty restless and sometimes a bit cranky. By the time my alarm rings, I usually sigh a sigh of relief that I’m done and just want to stretch for a minute because my body feels so tense from sitting for so long. I’ll go downstairs and do some journaling, but sometimes my heart is not in it because I’m still pretty tired. I eventually muster up the energy to go for a workout. I’ve really only been focused on cardio because it’s what I know, and I am intimated by the idea of going to a gym to lift weights in front of people who are much stronger than I am. I am completely exhausted when I get back from working out. I sluggishly force myself into the shower, which feels like a big chore. Once I get out, I usually look to have a quick breakfast. Once in a while, I’ll have a protein shake and dump some powder into milk, but I’ll usually just have some boiled eggs with a slice of bread and butter. I’m still pretty hungry afterward, but I try not to eat anymore since I’m trying to trim a few pounds. Instead, I’ll just have a hot beverage. Afterward, I start my work but often feel like I’m playing catch up all day.
Even in my retelling and personal account of waking up at 5am, I’m glorifying it. This is what my morning is like when I actually manage to get up. After doing this for about a month, at least once a week or so, I’ll usually get up, grab my coffee, and go right back asleep for 15-20 minutes.
Over time, I’ve learned that ‘success’ kind of sucks. It’s full of setbacks, self-doubt, and pain. This is the reality of success.
If success sucks, why pursue it anyways?
I’ve had to ask myself this time and time again. I can only speak for myself, but two things keep me going:
- The pursuit of success, despite being hard and painful, is still more pleasurable than accepting mediocrity. At the end of the day, at least I’m trying, and that’s something to be proud of.
- There is a pleasure that comes from pain. The only way I can describe this is through an example. You go workout for 30 minutes. You workout for just 30 minutes a few times a week, and all week, you’re sore, yet you don’t see a damn difference when you look in the mirror. Your muscles are aching, you’re a step slower in everything you do, and sometimes, just getting up from a sitting position feels daunting. And yet, every time you get up and feel that pain, you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment and want to give yourself a pat on the back. I worked out, heck yeah! The same goes for anything you do. You don’t feel this every day, but when you feel it, it feels incredible.
Final words…
We’ve been conditioned to view success as this smooth and linear progression from ‘before’ to ‘after,’ often presented by content creators trying to get more viewers and subscribers. However, these success stories don’t just come from Youtubers and social media influencers but also from our own social circles, where our families and friends will share their achievements while glossing over the setbacks and painful moments.
We live in a culture where success is glorified and adversity is considered ugly, so we omit those parts of the story altogether. However, success cannot exist without adversity, and nor can it exist without failure. When we internalize this and normalize failure and struggle as part of the path to success, it frees us from the expectation that we must live up to this unrealistic image. Consequently, it increases the likelihood that we will, in fact, succeed.
