We are programmed with a desire to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. When we find something pleasurable (e.g., a food, an activity, an experience), we seek more of it. Over time, we may even become attached and addicted. On the flip side, if we find something unpleasant, we develop an aversion. Our natural inclination is to gravitate towards the pleasant experiences in life while trying to minimize the unpleasant experiences. It is the path of least resistance.
As we all know, though, the most fruitful things in life rarely come without pain. Building good habits, successful careers, and deep relationships requires facing discomfort. In the face of challenges, we’re often told to be resilient and gritty. While true, there’s one skill that is a prerequisite to it all: the ability to tolerate discomfort.
Discomfort and pain are normal.
Our animalistic instincts tell us that pain is a threat and a signal that something is wrong. This instinct protects us. For example, if we touch something burning hot, pain tells us to pull away. As humans though, we’ve expanded this understanding of pain beyond physical pain to include emotional and spiritual pains. When we feel sad or anxious, society often treats these feelings as problems we must fix. We’re asked, “What’s wrong?” or usually told, “Don’t be upset,” as if it is not normal to experience negative emotions.
The problem lies in our glorification of happiness, where we view it as a pursuit that can help us achieve a constant state of bliss, free from all pain and suffering. Therefore, whenever we encounter pain, we get overwhelmed and assume that something is wrong. I have an interview for my dream job but feel anxious, so something must be wrong. I haven’t figured something out. It’s been six months since my father passed away, but I still think about him and miss him everyday. Why can’t I just get over it?
However, pain and discomfort are a part of the human experience. To deny or avoid them is to deny what it means to be human. Pain, in itself, is neither good nor bad. It is just a sensation or feeling. is not good or bad. It’s just a sensation or feeling. It is only when we label it that it becomes good or bad.
Embracing pain and discomfort.
“We are born in pain, we die in pain. Pain pervades this world.”
~ Guru Nanak Dev Ji
An undervalued skill is accepting that discomfort is a natural part of life. Rather than running away from discomfort, we should lean into it. Embracing pain doesn’t mean you are actively seeking it out, but it means developing an understanding that it is a companion on the journey to growth. Adopting this mindset can free us from suffering and unlock endless opportunities in our lives. To be free doesn’t mean we’re immune to pain. It just means we’ve accepted it. Consider childbirth — perhaps the greatest miracle and blessing in the world, and yet it is accompanied by excruciating pain.
“Pain is the medicine, and pleasure the disease.”
~ Guru Nanak Dev Ji
In the pursuit of a meaningful life, pain can be an asset. It can motivate us to strive for greatness and build lasting positive changes in our lives. Conversely, unchecked pleasure can lead to complacency. Think of stories where you were at your best. Most likely, they began with adversity and challenge. Rarely do we find the best versions of ourselves in moments of ease and comfort.
When you create an openness to pain in your heart and mind, you’ll notice that pain and pleasure are closely intertwined, not polar opposites. The lines between pain and pleasure become blurry. Many times, pain becomes a source of pleasure. It becomes a source of satisfaction, a badge of honor you wear, and something that signals hard work and dedication.
Final words…
Tolerating discomfort isn’t just valuable for achieving long-term goals but a skill that can serve us in our day-to-day lives. If you feel sad because your friend canceled your dinner plans, it’s okay to feel that way. It’s a normal human response. Nothing is wrong. However, once you accept and acknowledge that, something remarkable happens. It loosens its grip on you. It’s as if your mind isn’t seeking a solution but is merely seeking permission to feel the way it does.
Pain is not always an abnormality or a problem that needs to be solved. It’s a common feeling. Accept it. Embrace it.
